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If you have a toddler, then you know that they can sometimes be a bit mischievous. One of these behaviors is pretending to be hurt, even when nothing has actually happened to them.
If you’re wondering why your toddler pretends to be hurt and how to handle it, this post is for you. I’ll walk you through everything you need to know.
As irritating as this stage might be, there is a silver lining: it indicates that your child is developing empathy.
Why Do Toddlers Pretend to be Hurt?
There are two main and very common reasons why your toddler might be pretending to be hurt.
They either want to get your attention or get out of trouble from something they did.
Attention
Toddlers are quick learners, the moment they figure out that they get your attention when they get hurt, they’ll start imitating the situation.
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Our children, especially toddlers, love attention from their parents, so they find this technique a rather great way of keeping us to themselves.
Get Out Of Trouble
Another common reason why toddlers pretend to be hurt is to get out of trouble. They know they wouldn’t get punished if they are hurt, so what better way to avoid getting in trouble than acting hurt?
Pretending to be hurt can easily divert our attention from whatever misdeed they did to their non-existing injury.
So if you find your child hugging his leg and crying hysterically next to your valuable broken vase, just know that they may be faking it. Always check to make sure your child isn’t injured, respond calmly to mistakes and accidents so that your child knows that they can approach you when they have done something wrong. Remember mistakes are how children learn.
How to Tell if Your Toddler is Pretending to Be Hurt?
Like I said, toddlers can be very mischievous, and often get themselves into trouble. And as any preschool teacher knows, toddlers are quite skilled at faking ailments to get out of trouble, so make their environment one where mistakes are allowed, attention is given and appropriate clear boundaries and kept to.
So, how can you tell if your toddler is genuinely hurt or simply acting hurt?
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Here are a few things to keep an eye out for:
Does your toddler scream right away when they hurt themselves or do they wait a few minutes?
If your child screams right away, this may mean that your child is actually hurt or in shock from what has happened. Either way your prompt, calm response will help them in turn learn how to respond to accidents and to care for themselves.
If they take a few minutes to cry, then they may be crying to gain your attention since you didn’t attend to them. This is ok. Give your attention in the measure of the accident. Reassure them that they are ok and distract them with a fun game. I always reserved some bubble mix or a “magic shaker” to give a visual distraction for a child from this type of crying after giving them the reassurance they need.
Some children don’t feel pain instantly, usually this happens if they are particularly distracted. They then cry later maybe sometime after their knock or cut when the distraction has been removed. In this case treat any injuries as you would as if they were fresh and make a diarised note of these incidents. If they persist beyond 2 years old refer to your Dr as they can be a sign of neurological difference.
Does your toddler’s explanation for how they hurt themselves make sense?
Children often come up with very ridiculous ways in how they hurt. Or maybe their story is always the same or similar.
If this is the case, it’s most likely that they are pretending to be hurt.
Does your toddler stop crying as soon as you arrive?
This is one of the most obvious clues. If your toddler stops crying after you come to them, then they’re possibly acting.
If they were actually hurt, it would normally take you some effort to make their crying stop. Treating this method of attention seeking as “naughty” and correcting your child could be a mistake. Your child is working out how to get their needs met and all children need lots of attention. You can say “oh dear looks like you are ok let’s play” and play with your child for a little bit. If your child persists at pretending to be hurt why not make a game of it. They probably enjoyed the lovely nurturing they received from you when they hurt themselves, so why not use it as a prompt for a great game. Get some soft toys and dolls and play Drs and Nurses. You can even pretend to be ill so your child get be the care giver they might enjoy wrapping you in bandages, taking your temperature and putting you or teddy to sleep under a blanket.
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If you’re still unsure, the best thing to do is to take your child to the doctor. A check-up wouldn’t be a bad idea if it can keep you reassured and your mind at peace.
How to Stop Toddlers from Pretending to Be Hurt?
Toddlers frequently pretend to be hurt for one of two reasons: they want attention or they want to get out of trouble. And once you’ve determined the cause, you can address their behavior.
Another reason your child may appear hurt is to avoid getting into trouble. If this is the case, comfort them about their hurt but correct them gently but clearly about the behaviour, and set your age appropriate boundary and offer a distraction promptly.
Try to give you child the attention they need before they resort to this behaviour and build up short periods of time when you can set them up with activities and games to play solo before you return to them and play with them again.
Final Thoughts
It can be both confusing and frustrating when your toddler pretends to be hurt, but it’s important to remember that it’s a normal part of their development.
Comforting them briefly, reassuring them and setting clear boundaries when they pretend to be hurt is the best thing you could do, but by understanding why they’re doing it, you can better handle it when it happens.
